Soul Deep Scars

Without you I walk this path in my life. You have predestined me to fail, so in succeeding I fail you. Our friendship, I thought was genuine in love, but it is only as fake as you. When was it that you realized I couldn't be you. The life you live would suffocate me with your love so untrue. Your eyes that shine, I thought once with pride only smile with my failure. Why is it that you bring me to tears of shame, though I am blameless. As I grew and began to realize my life is my own, not yours, you had to hide me from members of your world. I am not what you wanted me to be. Your so called social life did not include me. I only bring embarrassment and attract gaudy stares. I love my life, even more now that your are not a part of it. Time will pass, my heart might miss you. Even thought I can't right now, but maybe someday I might remember why I love you.

Fading Soul

A burning desire to live life has me tangled inside a web of lies. The unconditional love of loved ones pours shame and dishonor, the life they chose for me to live will only lead to my suicide. My life is now lived apart from my past and is keeping me from my future. Suicidal death would cease the fight against myself, but my hellish eternity would commence. Fearing the consequences of spoken truth in this "sinful" life has me paralyzed even in sleep. I feel so confused, my unhappy heart screams death, but this is the life I chose to life. Now I must live my life.

Just Because

Too many hours spent alone dreaming of ways to make you proud. Countless tears shed due to the fact that I am not perfect. What to do now? The perfect daughter you prayed for ended up flawed. My whole life spent in the shadow of disapproval. Crying out to a God unseen, and clinging to His embrace, I fall... Did He let go? No one to turn to. I have been embraced by the "only if love" of my family, and I am loved only when... only when I am not me. Only when I wear the mask to hide my scars. Only when I completely die to myself... Fist clinched tight, my palms start to bleed. The blood runs down my forearm and puddles on the ground. The pain eases the rage of hate in my soul. I close my eyes. My body collapses to the floor. Fully conscious I pretend I am sleeping and I pretend I am dreaming of dieing.

Broken Again

Relentlessly Ive been searching for you. For some reason thinking you have taken an earthy form. Wanting the relationship I had with you as I did when I was a child. Knowing without thinking and believing without question that you are with me and you love me for just who I am. I searched for years with eyes open wide. Crying out thinking you have left. It wasn't until I stopped running, closed my eyes, looked inside myself, and found you. Broken before you now Lord I ask you take my life and me, imperfect as they are, and mold me to be the person you would have me to be. My desire is to forgive with every fault. Love in every action and word spoke.

Past Life

Completely careless but ever so careful to keep it secret she lived many lives. Different faces for different places. A lie to every single one of you. She chained herself, her own soul and tried to drown it with liquid shame and doubt. Familiar to all, but a stranger to herself she lived her life at a standstill. Going insane with every lie, she wanted to die. Achieving that goal one shot at a time, things were starting to go her way. Everything was so dark, she thought she turned blind. Life raced past, time had no value anymore. So alone she screams, crying out in pain. Her life is being ripped apart. This is the end, nothing more. Closing her eyes she knows she is going to wake up dead in Hell. No saving grace will do. There is no tolerance for killing your own soul.