doubting Tomas

The love and acceptance you show me surpass the understanding of my phynite mind. Why do you, God, creator of the earth, the galaxies, and all eternity want to love me? What have I done to deserve the love you give? A doubting demonic spirit has preoccupied my thoughts with fear of rejection. Thinking you have left I start searching. Have you taken and earthly form? Eyes open wide, blindly I call out to you. My cry's so loud I swear the heavens have to hear. Months pass. I fall to my knees and decided you have abandoned me. I close my eyes and look inside myself for the reason of abandonment, searching deep inside myself. Past every action and moment. I find you. Tears fall down my cheek. You have done just as you promised, but why did I forget? I know you will never leave, I know you will always love me. The imperfection of my faith boils the rage of hate against myself. Why cant I know without thinking and believe without question that the love you have for me is unfaltering?