Not a Bake Sale Mom

Tonight, for the first time in a very long while, I felt Gods presence. During worship at the Stirring, I just felt like it was me and God. Just me and Him alone... I cried and laughed. It was just... well you can't really explain it.

Growing up in the Church left me feeling very much alone in my walk with Christ. I felt like most sermons were directed towards those who do not know Christ yet. I was worried so much about everyone elses soul, that I neglected my own. I think that is why I like the Stirring so much. I feel like it is meant for people like me... I am spiritually feed there.

Tonight God really put it on my heart to give to the Church. I always tithed in "time". I gave lots of my spare time to the youth department while I was attending Neighborhood. During worship I felt God asking me to give a portion of our tax refund to Him. Which is totally cool with me! I am not sure how Daniel will take the idea. Its Gods money anyways...

I've been pretty butt-hurt about having to "try" so hard to make ends meat. I felt like God wasn't being supportive of my dreams. I pictured God just ignoring my passions, and focusing on the people around me. Tonight during Church I realised that God just wants more for me. He wants more for my family. He has enormous plans for Daniel, Eli and me. I am not saying He is going to have us more to China and start an undergroud revolution (however cool that would be though). I vision our lives very simple, the American dream, but in doing that we bless others. I see us touching lives in our work places and Eli's future school. I always just wanted to be a mom... nothing more. God wants more than just a June Cleaver.... Maybe a Nancy Botwin, minus the sell of illegal substances... hahahaha

I am excited about what God has in-store for my family

My Aussie Angel

While venturing Wal-Mart the other day I had an encounter with an angel.

I was sitting in my car waiting for Daniel. I was in some serious deep thoughts about what I wanted- and what God is holding from me. I was rather mad at God. Elijah is 16 months now, and it would be nice if he had a sibling. This is something we have wanted for many months. It just isn’t happening. I know everything is perfect in Gods time, but when everyone around you is popping and growing a baby belly, it is extremely discouraging.

My brother and his wife found out in October they are expecting. Honestly, it is hard to be happy for them. She got pregnant the first month, it took us several years to get pregnant with Eli, and now its taking months the second time. I have a great deal of bitterness built up. They are a very blessed couple! I should be ecstatic! They were able to buy a home only after being married a few months and now they have baby. Its hard to be happy for anyone walking around with pregnancy glow. My heart is bitter.

I am happy that Eli will have a playmate though. He is going to love his little baby cousin so much!

Anyways… I was sitting in my car in the parking lot. Windows rolled up -deep in thought. A guy knocks on my window. I thought he was going to tell me my tail light was busted or something. He says (in a very sexy Australian accent); “Please don’t be alarmed. This might sound strange, but God told me to drive to Wal-Mart and talk to the girl in the Grey SUV with the grenade sticker. Is Zach here too?” I was shocked… I just stared at him, thinking he was nuts.. He continued. “I just moved here, I was eating some top ramen and God just told me to go. So I did. He wants me to tell you that He will give you your hearts desire and to embrace the joy he has provided. I am not sure what that means to you. He said Judah will come in His time, when it is perfect for you and your family.” Then he smiled at me and walked away.

How did that man know my brother is Zach? How did that man know Zach was in my thoughts. How did that man know we want our next boy to be named Judah?

Crazy…

I have sense spent some encouraging time with God. It is hard to let go of that bitterness. It is something I am working on. I tend to hold grudges for a very long time… but being mad at God is lame! I feel stupid!!!