Tuesday, January 30, 2007

sitting on the park bench...spitting out pieces of his {her} broken luck

Finally, a beautiful day here in this uncultivated wasteland. The weather is overcast and chilly. A mirror image of my heart. Spats of rainwater trickle down and lightly cover the dust. Much like my tears, which seem to be in abundance these days.

I have lost my smile. I am desperate for it, so if you find it I will pay a great reward. Name your price.

Have I sold out?

Or am I just complete aware of my true self? Masks destroyed and now face to face with my soul. She scares me.

I don't know how to be Sarah May. She is too strong. She is too certain. She is too powerful. It is much easier to let those childhood influences of my past rule over my every though, my every breath. I am paralyzed, afraid of decisions Tell me what to do. I feel lost.

I am tired. Even the toughest get weary. What was Gods point in making me shoulders big enough for the weight of the world, but not strong enough to take care of myself? I have advice for everyone else. I can fix any problem. I can hold you for days while you cry. I will stand up for you and fight your battles. Yet, I can't even mend my own heart. I can't carry myself day to day. I don't have the strength to breathe.

I disabled the kudos and comments because I already know what y'all will say...

"Give it to God"

It is much easier to say then actually do... end of story...

So... it doesn't look like we are going to be getting that house I mentioned in my previous blog. Technicalities suck. We can keep living at Daniel's parent's home till we find something else. His parents are fine with it. I just worry about the safety of a certain pair of Neanderthals... I foresee me ripping heads off and biting off fingers...

Yes I am bitter and hostel... and no, Rob, I don't hate you... still... sorry you are one of my favorites, get over it...

Praise God for pain killers in a small plastic bottle...

Monday, January 22, 2007

Chug the hand sanitizer... cleans your soul...

So... I am in a bad mood... Its been that way for a few weeks now... so if I haven't talked to you, that is why. I do love you; it's just that I love you so much I don't want you to get hurt. If I have been talking to you, then I trust you to bite back when I bite and keep me in line.

Yesterday was Daniel and mine one year wedding anniversary. The day was full of many mixed emotions. It didn't feel like a wedding anniversary. Maybe I just didn't want it to be. No longer the newlyweds, its old news. Living with the in-laws, and having to share a bathroom with two Neanderthals who pee on the toilet seat. My life sucks at this moment in time. I am content complaining... things will change very soon. It's a fact...

So we got the "go" on the building of our new house... that's right... NEW HOUSE! We get to pick out everything, and it is just going to be dandy! It should be done by this summer... I will email y'all details for a slumber party... jkjkjk... But Daniel and I are super excited...

So... other than that, life is rather dull... and I am already bored of this blog... so stop staring at me, leave a comment and then text me cause I am at work and bored... I promise I won't rip your head off...