Friday, July 8, 2005

Essay for a class

Little Red Stang Rider

By Sarah Colbert






Buckle Bunny Friend

Ma- Now where do you think your going?

Gal- Me and some buddies are going over to the rodeo Ma…

Ma- Well, you make sure you get your rear back in bed before the morning, and…

Narrator- Gal rolls her eyes and slams the screen door before her mother can finish. Gal ain’t usually rude like that to her Ma, but tonight Gal was in a rush and ain’t got no time to dilly dawdle and listen to her Ma be concerned bout her. Gal hops in her last years model red convertible Stang GT, turns up the custom Mach sound system, revs the engine, then is on her way to meet up with her friends at the rodeo.

Gal- Oh dang, I’m bout on empty. I gotta get me some gas for my car… shiznits… I am

Gonna be super late.

Narrator- Gal turns into the next gas station, pulls up to a pump, hops out of the car and struts into the store, making sure to smile and wink at the group of guys staring at her.

Gal- Hey pal… I’ll put then on…

Narrator- Gal couldn’t finish what she was telling the dude, she stood motionless, staring at the clerk.

Dude- Ten on?

Gal- (blinks a few times to shake herself out of the trance) Ten on pump four. Dang, you’re a looker. You know that right?

Dude- (snuffs a laugh) Thanks, here is your receipt.

Narrator- Gal moseys along back outside so oblivious to the world around her that you might think this tough broad believed in love at first sight.

Dude- (yells as Gal leaves the store) You ain’t bad yourself.

Narrator- Gal looks back and winks at Dude, then thinks… “hmm, did he just say ain’t? He looks like a city boy to me, but he said ain’t…” Gal finishes her task and is soon in the dirt parking lot at the rodeo grounds with her friends.

Buckle Bunny Friend- Woohoo! Dang girl look at you. Are them new boots?

Gal- Na, these ain’t new. You look cute too! Doin your usual prowl?

Buckle Bunny Friend- Of course. You gonna join me?

Gal- No way, I ain’t like that. I come to the rodeo for the show, unlike you… Anyways, lest go get us some seats.

Narrator -After a few hours of bulls, blood, dust, mud, boots, chaps, cowboy hats, Bronx, steers and cowboy cheers Gal was back in the dirt parking lot chit chatting with some people.

Buckle Bunny Friend- Oh my God…

Narrator - The ground rumbled as a powder blue 1990 Ford F-250 7.3 litter diesel pulled up, decked out with a 96’ Ford nose, roll bar, 5 KC lights and a “Git-R-Done” decal plastered on the front window, sitting on 44-inch Super Swamper Boggers. 6-inch Sky Jacker spring lift, 6-inch custom lift reverse shackle cross member in front. 6-inch springs with a custom made shackle flipped in the rear.

Gal- Dang, I gotta get me one of those…

Narrator- A tall and very handsome guys hoped down from the monstrous truck.

Gal- Hey there cowboy, that’s a nice rig you got there.

Dude- Yep, all the better to take you 4x4in in lady.

Gal- Nice hat you got too. I like it.

Dude- You like that? I knew you would so I thought to myself… All the better to get her attention.

Gal- Your smile got my attention, you got yourself a nice smile…

Dude- Golly… thanks… so if I smiled at you would you come with me to the honky-tonk for some close dancing?

Gal- (giggles) Ya know, when I first saw you working behind the counter at the gas station I thought you was a city boy. You sure showed me wrong. The Honky- tonk? Shoot-dang boy, if your gonna take me someplace in your rig, take me up to the swamp. I’ve got me some hillbilly friends that are throwin a shindig up there. We all circle up the trucks, fire up the brush, untuck our shirts and kick some dust… Ya interested?

Narrator- Dude grabs Gals hand, they climb up in the truck and are gone in a jiffy.


Glaring lights, spirit herd curses, frustration overpowering all of the senses. Fear is the result of an unspoken language. A language simple enough, but not an option in one life. Rejection crosses the mind and hides in the conscious thoughts of this mortal. The open mind is blocked at all exits by the hope of acceptance in this walk of the now. Why... is the prodding question, the question unspoken. Your thoughts are hidden behind the red of my actions. My actions are minimized by the red of your thoughts. Compromise is a talk of the weak. Both are strong and as a result truce is a laugh to think...

Promise to Hate

Hidden rage boils inside this soft spoken soul. The true heart is wrapped with layers of pretense love and cheer. Fearful hate accompanied by murderous thoughts consumes her whole being. The one true love she knew seems to have gone away, or perhaps He too has been consumed by her pure hate. Living life as a lie exhausts the light in these eyes. A dull, mindless stare replaces her genuine smile. He promised He would never leave, He promised He would never forget, He promised to always love her, but now she is completely alone.

Drowning in Hate.

Soul Deep Scars

Without you I walk this path in my life. You have predestined me to fail, so in succeeding I fail you. Our friendship, I thought was genuine in love, but it is only as fake as you. When was it that you realized I couldn't be you. The life you live would suffocate me with your love so untrue. Your eyes that shine, I thought once with pride only smile with my failure. Why is it that you bring me to tears of shame, though I am blameless. As I grew and began to realize my life is my own, not yours, you had to hide me from members of your world. I am not what you wanted me to be. Your so called social life did not include me. I only bring embarrassment and attract gaudy stares. I love my life, even more now that your are not a part of it. Time will pass, my heart might miss you. Even thought I can't right now, but maybe someday I might remember why I love you.

Fading Soul

A burning desire to live life has me tangled inside a web of lies. The unconditional love of loved ones pours shame and dishonor, the life they chose for me to live will only lead to my suicide. My life is now lived apart from my past and is keeping me from my future. Suicidal death would cease the fight against myself, but my hellish eternity would commence. Fearing the consequences of spoken truth in this "sinful" life has me paralyzed even in sleep. I feel so confused, my unhappy heart screams death, but this is the life I chose to life. Now I must live my life.

Just Because

Too many hours spent alone dreaming of ways to make you proud. Countless tears shed due to the fact that I am not perfect. What to do now? The perfect daughter you prayed for ended up flawed. My whole life spent in the shadow of disapproval. Crying out to a God unseen, and clinging to His embrace, I fall... Did He let go? No one to turn to. I have been embraced by the "only if love" of my family, and I am loved only when... only when I am not me. Only when I wear the mask to hide my scars. Only when I completely die to myself... Fist clinched tight, my palms start to bleed. The blood runs down my forearm and puddles on the ground. The pain eases the rage of hate in my soul. I close my eyes. My body collapses to the floor. Fully conscious I pretend I am sleeping and I pretend I am dreaming of dieing.

Broken Again

Relentlessly Ive been searching for you. For some reason thinking you have taken an earthy form. Wanting the relationship I had with you as I did when I was a child. Knowing without thinking and believing without question that you are with me and you love me for just who I am. I searched for years with eyes open wide. Crying out thinking you have left. It wasn't until I stopped running, closed my eyes, looked inside myself, and found you. Broken before you now Lord I ask you take my life and me, imperfect as they are, and mold me to be the person you would have me to be. My desire is to forgive with every fault. Love in every action and word spoke.

Past Life

Completely careless but ever so careful to keep it secret she lived many lives. Different faces for different places. A lie to every single one of you. She chained herself, her own soul and tried to drown it with liquid shame and doubt. Familiar to all, but a stranger to herself she lived her life at a standstill. Going insane with every lie, she wanted to die. Achieving that goal one shot at a time, things were starting to go her way. Everything was so dark, she thought she turned blind. Life raced past, time had no value anymore. So alone she screams, crying out in pain. Her life is being ripped apart. This is the end, nothing more. Closing her eyes she knows she is going to wake up dead in Hell. No saving grace will do. There is no tolerance for killing your own soul.