Friday, July 23, 2010
There are so many blogs blowing up about the new ACOG VBAC guidelines right now...
So many opinions... I just have to say that I am excited about another option. I should be allowed to try to avoid surgery if I want. I agree that the number one concern during child birth is safety of the Mother and Child... But I feel that Cesarean is offered to quickly. I completely understand that c-section is very necessary on many occasions, and to the option and knowledge of the cesarean, I am very thankful.
I was induced 3 weeks early... I honestly feel that if Dr. Skipitis (who was NOT my OB)had NOT taken me off the meds, (so he could sleep that night)that I would have progressed. I had to start the induction over twice. Being 3 weeks early I feel I needed more than 12 hours at a time to progress to active labor... I knew that I was going to have to have a c-section after he took me off the meds. I was sent home after 3 days of in-active labor. Labored at home for a week... then had a c-section. I was thrilled to have my son, so I didn't care how he arrived. I just was ecstatic to have a healthy pregnancy resulting in a very healthy baby.
Looking back, I used to wish I would have pitched a massive hormonal pregnant fit that night Skipitis took me off the meds... but now... now that TOLAC is available... I am more than excited to experience the awfulness of child birth! LOL! I just want to try... if I don't progress again... then so be it. I just want the opportunity!
I am curious as to if Mercy Medical Center is going to willingly offer the TOLAC... I know that if you drive down to Red Bluff that they do VBAC... but having such high risk pregnancies, I was seeing my OB weekly... I would not enjoy being giantly pregnant and having to drive to Red Bluff every week.
Now... I just have to wait and see when God gives me those two pink lines... waiting on God.......................
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Craziest dream by far....
I was working in a hospital as a MA, when this crazed Maniac was brought in. He looked similar to Manson, except oddly short. He was escorted by a police force because he had just murdered several people. He was handcuffed and... uh... footcuffed. He was brought in for a serious of flu vaccines. So an other MA and and myself were setting up vaccine trays when this crazed murderer grasped the other MA's undies and pulled them over her head... and when that happens in dream land, your head falls off. The crazy guy continues to chop off all the police peoples head with their undies... but I escape!
I RUN! The hospitals alarms are going off and all the doors were being quarantined. Then all of a sudden the crazed murderer was a zombie... and it was the end of the world... I am running, begging people to open a door so I can get away from the quarantined rooms and the zombies... I finally find a pharmacist who is escaping the quarantined rooms via trash shoot. He lets me escape with him. We are out of the quarantined area... only to be meet with chaos in the ER waiting room.
Everyone is afraid of the zombie flu so they are wanting the Zombie vaccine. I am terrified for my life so I try just walk out of the hospital. A cop stops me because I had yellow Zombie blood on my shoes. The cop was trying to bring me back in the hospital yelling... "you have to save us all! Give these people the vaccine!" ....
I was fighting the cop, trying to run away... when a Zombie on a tricycle road up and knocked over an old lady and started to eat her brain.
That is when I woke myself up... AH!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
-Psalm 126, New International Version
Yesterday brought some peace to my heart... Today this peace has continued. Thank you God for bringing peace. I know it is a long journey, but I am thankful for the comfort right now.
Elijah is playing with his friends at my Mom's daycare today. Even though I enjoy the quiet I miss his crazy little bum! I think I am going to go pick him up early...
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The past two months have brought into my life more trials and tribulations than most people face in a life-time. Daniel and I have waited on God... body, mind and soul for healing and comfort. Praise God for physical healing, just this last week I got a positive ending to the madness.
I am thankful to friends and my awesome family who have prayed and cried with us these last few months. Thank you for helping us with this emotional burden. God has blessed us with you!
During this healing process Daniel and I have been called "selfish"... I don't think some people realizes the severity of events that took place. This isn't to "brag" about how awful things have been. I am going to write in plain and simple terms and by no means do I want to gloat about the following. This is painful, but if I don't share, how can I expect people to understand?
Daniel and I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 months. I had to take piles of hormones that cost a pretty penny in order to get that positive pregnancy test in May. Shortly after the positive pregnancy test I had to take chemotherapy injections, twice, to kill the baby we tried so hard to create. It took 8 weeks to finally not be pregnant anymore. Now I don't even know when I will be emotionally ready to even think about getting pregnant again. I am terrified!!! I found out last week after a trip to the ER, that our insurance in canceled. We won't be able to afford anymore Dr. trips, so I am thankful that the chemo is over!
During our first family vacation (after being married almost 5 years) in June, Daniel was involved in a car accident. Del, Daniels dad, was driving. The car drove off the road, rolled a bunch of times and flipped head of tail several times. The cars roof was smashed to the floor board. There is no way they should have survived. Not knowing if my husband was alive was the worst feeling I have ever experienced in my life. Even now, thinking about that phone call makes my heart ache.
We were renting a house from a family friend. The first of June we got a notice saying the house was being auctioned at the end of the month. I ask our landlord... who is a life long family friend. She tells us that she had taken care of it and the house wasn't being auctioned. We spent the 4th of July weekend packing, trying to find a place to live and moving. Turns out friends lie. Daniel, Elijah and I are sharing a room in my Aunts house... Even though the room is a converted garage with no air conditioning, I am thankful to not be homeless.
I was watching that new movie "Remember Me"... all my friends told me how good of a movie it was. They told me how they just cried and cried at the ending. When I got done watching it I didn't cry... but then not crying made me cry. I felt robed of emotions. Like I am numb to empathy. That is not like me... I always felt like God gifted me with empathy towards others, even stupid sappy movies and Hallmark commercials... but now I feel like I have none.
Many of my friends have become pregnant and some even had their babies during this healing process. I am very embarrassed to admit this, but... my happiness level for each friend is based on a jealousy rating... How long they were trying to get pregnant, how many kids they already have... I feel secure in the fact that I know I am not alone in this evil jealousy rut. I hate this jealous feeling... I pray and ask God to take it away... I don't know how to just not be jealous. Someone please tell me!!! I crazy with this emotion! Like I need to go to some Jealousy Addiction Anonymous or something... Hi, my name is Sarah. I am a christian with a relationship with Christ. I am here because I am addicted to jealousy.
I can I not be jealous though... I feel like Daniel and I have to fight for every good thing in our lives. I feel like we can't enjoy anything... I feel like I have to fight for sanity every single morning. To make a effort to be thankful... If I don't praise God for the little things like a/c in the car or a ice cold Dr. Pepper or Elijah's addiction to Toy Story (without it I would not have a moment to myself)... my day would get very sad.
I feel like this blog is tacky... Like I am being gaudy and trashy or something. I am not the kind of person that likes to draw attention. I used to be... now I kinda just like to blend.... I would rather be ignored ya know... but when people I love tell me I am selfish after being in so much pain... it just hurts... and then it makes you think about all the bad things going on... and then those things hurts again. It is 3:30 in the morning, just in case you were wondering why this is sounding like a bunch of pity party ramblings.