Monday, November 29, 2010

Time Spent In The ER.

Woke up today to find reddish purple spotting

Called my OB... who is on Vacation, so was told to go to the ER.

I have been to the ER more times than I want to admit, so I knew that it was going to be a VERY long wait. I understand how they triage based on pain and severity of visit... but they really need to take into consideration emotional stress as well. Though I had no pain I was shaking so bad they couldn't get a accurate pulse and my blood pressure was sky high.

We sat and sat and sat in the waiting room... two hours of watching people come in and get taken back. While waiting I was able to get blood taken and peed in a cup for all the lab work they needed to do.

We watched as a crazy lady literally climbed the wall in attempts to avoid the hospital security. We watched a very pregnant woman waddle in, screaming obscenities, in labor. The ER is very entertaining!

We waited... THEN finally they called my name. We were put in the only room with a closing door. As soon as I sat my purse down the Dr. came in with a incredibly small ultrasound machine.

"Your labs are perfect so let me do an ultrasound".

I lifted my shirt and he put the scanner thingy on my belly. I couldn't see the screen... or Daniels face, so I was watching the Dr. Hoping to see some sort of relief or ANY emotion from him. For what seemed to be an eternity he Dr. said nothing. I could see Daniel in my peripheral vision trying to look over the Dr.'s shoulder then I hear Daniel scream

"It is moving! I see the baby moving, I see the heartbeat"

I burst into sobbing tears!

The Dr. growls "Stop doing that you are messing it up"

So I hold my breath but can't stop shaking.

The Dr. says everything looks great. He did a pelvic exam and said my cervix is closed up nice and tight. So they send me home.

Worst day of my life.............. but praise God for great results!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Baby Lime Cakes

11 weeks pregnant today!

At 11 weeks baby Whipple is the size of a lime and weighs a quarter of an ounce! Hair follicles, tooth buds, and nail beds are forming and baby is busy being an acrobat!

Morning... or all day sickness seems to still be hanging around. I have been obsessing over Mexican food for the last few days. Only a pregnant woman can spend half an hour vomiting in the bathroom then the next second eat a plate of nachos. I woke Daniel up around 5am to go get some Taco Bell the other morning... he said no... le sigh! I am having trouble with clothing items. All my maternity clothes are in the back of our storage unit... behind boxes, the washer and dryer, table and chairs, couches and our bed. Being plus size I don't think anyone but me notices my 'B' belly rounding out. I can't suck in my fat... it just sticks out there... taunting me to hold it. I can't wait to feel baby move!

We have been working really hard to get Elijah potty trained. He seems to like the idea of using his little toilet... and really enjoys the praise for actually using it correctly. If Eli is wearing underwear or pants he tends to just pee anywhere... but if he is nakie he always runs to his little toilet when he has to "go"... so for the last few weeks we have had a half naked two year old running about the house! I have faith that he will be completely potty trained BEFORE baby arrives late May. I have been talking to him about the baby in Mommies tummy. I don't think he quite understands. He lifts my shirt up at random times and growls "bebe" and starts poking my stomach with force. He has been carrying his Woody doll around like a baby, feeding him a bottle and making Woody pretend cry for attention. Whenever we leave the house Elijah puts his Woody doll to bed, covers him up and says "nigh nigh". Elijah is going to be a good big brother!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Red Cabbage Gender Test

The science behind the red cabbage baby gender prediction test all has to do with urine pH. Urine contains pH... (how acidic or basic it is) and the red cabbage water changes based on whether you're pregnant with a girl or boy. Most gender tests test the pH in your urine... however very expensive. The pigments in the red cabbage alter based on the pH and change color based on how acidic or basic your urine is.

Test Instructions

1) Go to the store and buy a red cabbage
2) after you get home, cut up the red cabbage
3) add boiling water to the cabbage and let sit for 10 mins (or more)
*On other websites step three said to boil the cabbage for 10 mins. So I tried BOTH methods.
4) remove cabbage from water SAVE THE WATER
5) add urine to the cabbage water. Using equal parts urine and water.
6) if it goes a red or pink color you are having a boy, if it goes a purple color you are having a girl

Cut Cabbage

Boiling Cabbage

Non boiled Cabbage water and boiled Cabbage Water

Boiled cabbage water results... Dark purple

Non boiled cabbage water results... fuchsia, but still not as pink as other boy results I have found online.

So according the the red cabbage gender test, baby should be a girl... we shall wait and see!

EDIT: Baby is a girl! Red Cabbage Gender test was correct! 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

10 Weeks Today!

10 weeks! Such a milestone for us... a quarter of the way to full term! At 10 weeks baby is just about the size of a Kumquat and has bendable limbs that are moving and kicking. Tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin. All organs are developed so now baby just has to grow!

Yesterday we went in for baby appointment number four. The nurse couldn't get a heartbeat on the Doppler... naturally we started to worry. They left us waiting in the room alone... waiting for the ultrasound room to become available. That was the longest 30 minutes of my life. Once the ultrasound scanner found my kumquat baby we saw a perfect heartbeat... a perfect baby love for 10 weeks! I keep saying this... but being a high risk pregnancy has its perks! Most women do not see their OB till after 10 weeks... and do not get an ultrasound till after 20 weeks! I feel blessed. I have had four appointments and 3 ultrasounds... love the reassurance!

Dr. Williams made fun of my Lovenox bruised belly but commended me on my discipline of daily injections... I am proud of my battle wounds.

I can't stop looking at the ultrasound. I am so in love with this tiny blob!

Bitter Truth

Pregnancy after loss confession.

Even though I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby I find myself incredibly jealous of some women's other pregnancies. It could be a complete stranger or a friend... and it isn't with every one I hear about... The adult I am knows that the pregnancy is right and deserved and logical; the child in me still feels jealous. I am not sure if it stems from the multiple pregnancy losses, fighting so hard to keep this current pregnancy healthy or from trying to get pregnant for so long.

I just have a hard time being happy for someone when we are fighting body mind and soul for our own. It is selfish I know... and even with such selfish thinking I naturally feel wrong and evil.

Too many dang pregnancy hormones

Daniel and I have become much for aware of our own emotions with this last pregnancy loss. We have turned not only to each other but to God... accepting support from family and friends but really having a guarded heart. Things we do, say and ways we react from now on are in correlation with our past experiences. With so much hurt you either become jaded or grow from it. It is a learning experience, God will continue to teach us from our losses until the day we meet him.

There is so much pain that comes with pregnancy loss and the last thing a couple needs is negativity and unsolicited advice. A quick Google search can lead someone looking to support a loved one during a pregnancy loss to websites hosting lovely, caring and supportive ways to help. A normal person understands that if you have never experienced a pregnancy loss you can not possibly relate. Daniel and I experienced not one, but several bullies during our last pregnancy loss... even from someone that has been such a support my whole life. Something I have learned to be common among the pregnancy loss community. I learned much about family bullying by serial bullies from this website. I was shocked and appauled by how many women get horrible, selfish and negative comments after the hell of pregnancy loss.

No Angel mommy wants to hear "you will only have one baby so don't bother trying again". "I can relate... "for any "reason" unless your baby died you can't possible relate. "the baby must have been sick". "you are better off, you can't support another one right now." "At least you have one already". We had received many more... but these can't even compare to the horror some women received that I have spoken to.

The fact is... I can't forgive my body for killing my babies. A shocking evil truth. I blame and hate myself...

Most women of pregnancy loss feel the same... so how can someone who has not experienced it relate to me? I look in the mirror and see a a dark hole... a villain that has stolen my baby.

The counter-side to the darkness is knowing that God will take this feeling away from me... I just need to let him. He has brought us through this dark valley so that we can experience the brilliant Grace He has laid ahead for us. We are still learning... we are humble enough to understand that we don't have the answers but we trust that God does.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

9 Week Old Grape

I love Wednesdays... Wednesdays are when I am another week along in this pregnancy.

9 weeks today!

At 9 weeks our baby is the size of grape and has tiny earlobes... how precious is that! Most of my day is spent being nauseous. Trying everything to ease the barfy feeling... but I really do love it! Some days I can barley get out of bed just to make it to the couch because I am just physically exhausted. My plus size 'B' belly is looking more like the letter 'D' instead. I am finding that I am growing faster with this pregnancy than I did with Elijah.

Daniel and I have found a girl name we like and we are still looking at lots of boy names... not sure if we are going to share or not... you will all just have to wait and see...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Generic Needles

This is my blog for generic Lovenox... aka Enoxaparin Sodium

I am on the low dose of one 40mg injection daily. Enoxaparin Sodium is a low molecular weight heparin, prescribed to prevent deep vein thrombosis or pulmonary embolism during pregnancy. At 12 weeks my OB wants me to go on twice daily injections.

I have to give a shout out to State Medi-Cal insurance. I am not too proud to say that my family and I receive full benefits Medi-Cal... and we are very blessed to do so!

My insurance saved me $659.99... that was just for eight injections. I have to take one every day... that is over $82.00 an injection... Praise God for being poor and qualifying for state insurance!

I have found via, many other moms-to-be, who are on Lovenox, generic, or Heperin. There is a piece of mind that comes with knowing you are not the only person stabbing their growing belly daily. At first I really thought I wasn't going to be able to do the injections. I have no problem drawing blood or doing vaccines on other people... but something about injecting yourself is very scary.

The first couple weeks were a learning process. The actual injections hurt, the medication entering my body stung, the after effect hurt and the bruises lasted over a week. The bruises start off small... pin point in size... then blow up and look like purple baseballs.

Eventually I learned that if you pinch the fat where the injection is going, it doesn't sting as bad. If you don't rub the injection site and you place a ice cube on the injection site, bruises tend to be smaller and heal faster.

Amazingly... the whole process does not gross me out... Motherly instinct, you will do anything to keep your children safe...

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The gift of morning sickness

Pregnancy after loss is such a blessing. Living God's promise for Daniel and I is something that just can't be put into words...

Our Glory baby.

However, having faith in a full term pregnancy is something I am struggling with. I feel I have been robbed from pregnancy bliss. Most pregnant women day dream about names and a baby nursery. I live between bathroom breaks... and find myself crying praises while peeing "Thank you Jesus... no blood!"

Even though I am only 8 weeks pregnant, I bought myself some maternity pants. I don't need them yet, but wearing them makes this pregnancy more of a reality for me... and they are the cutest pair of jeans I have ever owned and sooooo comfortable! I am weird... I know.

Being 8 weeks pregnant, my baby is about the size of a kidney bean... or a raspberry! Funny fact- baby has a fully formed nose and elbows at this point.

Nausea has been such a blessing during the last week. My OB is feeling extra confidant in this pregnancy and doesn't want to see me for a few weeks... which makes me nervous. So, I am extremely grateful for nausea and food aversions... that means things are working like they should and this baby is growing!