Frank

OH MY GOD! I watched Donnie Darko last night... that movie is messed up! seriouse style... it freaked me out! so ya... and I was thinking that grandmas do the wierdest things... like my grandma gives all her hamidown clothes... mostly shirts that are 3x and bra that would fit watermellons with strapes the size of rhode island... that really bugs me... i hate that... and i hate frank.... anwyas i got to go shopping...

Don't look at me! I will eat you alive!

Have you ever just had one of those days when you wake up exhausted, take a shower that doesnt get warm, get dressed and your jeans feel tight cause you just took em out of the dryer. Try to do your make up and your skin is all dry and flaky so your cover up dont blend. Your hair ends up frizzy, ya get to work and everyone comments on how crappy your look. And your convinced the whole world is out to annoy you today? Ya... so thats how I feel so far today...

Paper or Pastic

I wish life had an instruction manual or course guide or something. That would be so nice... I am a bit overwhelmed and compleatly lost in what to do at this moment. Okay so here is the sitch... I have been in the childcare business sence before I can remember. My mom is a teacher at her home preschool and the mother of 5. My aunt (whom I currently live with and is one of my best friends) is at director of her preschool, a professor who teaches the subject "Early Childhood Education", a high school teacher who teaches "R.O.P Careers with Children", she is the Cubbies Director for the children at her church, and she also is the president of KIDS Unlimited. SO... teaching runs through my veins. Its like my first nature. When I was little I wanted to be a teacher, I also wanted to be a ballarine (okay okay y'all can stop laughing now...) but that dream went down the crapper in the ladies undergarment department in the Wallmart Store... NEWAYS... Sence I was 14 I have been employeed working with children. My senior year of highschool I started studing and testing to achieve my goal of teaching early on. As of now I hold over 31 credits in ECE alone, and by the end of summer with be Accredited. I have spent thousands of dollards to achieve the teaching position I currently hold, and I am gonna brag a bit now... (I am only 21 and already have an accomplished career...) NEWAYS... I love my job, to an extent though. I love the children. I love teaching them and being goofy with them. I love finger painting and water coloring. I love guiding them and preparing their minds and shapping them to be well rounded people. I guess I am a bit bored though. Don't get me wrong. Instructing a class of 9 two years olds IS stressful and at the end of the day I just want to sleep for an eternity, but I guess I don't feel challenged or something. I have only been working at the school I am now for 3 years and I am already head teacher. The next step up would be assistant director, I could be the director of my own preschool if I wanted or have my own home preschool, and that would be FREAKIN SWEET! but I kinda just want to be 21 and not have so many responsibilities... so with that state of mind I applied to work in retail in different stores and currently have an interview at Costco for tomarow. I am excited for the chance of change, but I don't want to go. I don't like change all that much and this would be a very big change for me. I really do injoy my job so much (some days alot less then others, but...) I would miss not being with the kids so much. Then I think about maybe God does want me to get a different job, like maybe I am not where I am suppose to be thats why He is giving me the restlessness at work. Then I think well, if He really didn't want me teaching why did He give me such a big heart for this field of work. But then I think, well maybe its not so much that God gave me the heart for teaching, but it comes so easy to me that maybe I am being lazy and really are affraid of the change. But then I think about all the work I have put into this career and... AHHHH!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do. I am really leaning towards not going to the interview, but I really do want to try something else. I would be making more money with the change, and I really really REALLY need the extra income. I really don't want to leave my class though... I just don't know what to do...

While on the Clock

Today I realized I am no longer playing checkers, im playing chess. Let me explain... A couple years ago, in a not so sober state of of mind, I gave my good friend, Amy, some advice on life. "Amy," I said, "why are you so uptight? you are young so be a bit reckless. Right now your life is a game of checkerds, not chess." She looked at me crazy like, so I continued..."In checkerds you can get pieces back and it is not that seriouse of a game. Just like your life right now. When you mess up, you can fix it cause your young." For months that was her favoirte quote... "Lifes a game of checkerds not chess." But when does life get to the point when it is no longer checkerds, and what makes it chess? My life has become so complicated its unreal, I think that is why I like to sleep so much. My brain gets a break from all the thoughts that I keep running thought it... I dunno... I was thinking that Hermits are very smart people. They leave the busy life of social climbers to live in the deep woods by themselves... I think I would very much like that. Cept I would miss my boyfriend Daniel, so I would want to bring him with me. And I would miss my best gal friend Jennifer, so I would hafta bring her too. And I would go insane without my computer and internest so I would want to bring those too. I would need my cell incase some of my "weekend only" friends call to go out. I think my social life would defiet the purpose of being a hermit. Oh well... yawn...