Finally, a beautiful day here in this uncultivated wasteland. The weather is overcast and chilly. A mirror image of my heart. Spats of rainwater trickle down and lightly cover the dust. Much like my tears, which seem to be in abundance these days.
I have lost my smile. I am desperate for it, so if you find it I will pay a great reward. Name your price.
Have I sold out?
Or am I just complete aware of my true self? Masks destroyed and now face to face with my soul. She scares me.
I don't know how to be Sarah May. She is too strong. She is too certain. She is too powerful. It is much easier to let those childhood influences of my past rule over my every though, my every breath. I am paralyzed, afraid of decisions Tell me what to do. I feel lost.
I am tired. Even the toughest get weary. What was Gods point in making me shoulders big enough for the weight of the world, but not strong enough to take care of myself? I have advice for everyone else. I can fix any problem. I can hold you for days while you cry. I will stand up for you and fight your battles. Yet, I can't even mend my own heart. I can't carry myself day to day. I don't have the strength to breathe.
I disabled the kudos and comments because I already know what y'all will say...
"Give it to God"
It is much easier to say then actually do... end of story...
So... it doesn't look like we are going to be getting that house I mentioned in my previous blog. Technicalities suck. We can keep living at Daniel's parent's home till we find something else. His parents are fine with it. I just worry about the safety of a certain pair of Neanderthals... I foresee me ripping heads off and biting off fingers...
Yes I am bitter and hostel... and no, Rob, I don't hate you... still... sorry you are one of my favorites, get over it...
Praise God for pain killers in a small plastic bottle...
