Its been about fourteen years sense my last blog. Stop pestering me… I blog when I feel like it… I just haven't felt like it lately. Its not that my life hasn't been interesting. Life with a baby makes everyday blog worthy.
My baby… my hearts song… my love!
I don't like bothering people with the negative aspects of my life. I am a problem solver. I fix things for people. Its hard for me to let people into my heart. I keep things bottled in… deep down under all the other stuff going on in my life. I do however, on occasion, just start blurting out the heaviness of my soul to a select few. I do feel bad… It seems these days all I do is pile on the complaints.
It is just hard to be happy. You know the expression, "when it rains it pours"… well I have a new one… "my soul has been replaces with tar and I am sinking in shit."
Why is talking about depression taboo? Especially in the Christian community. Someone admits to have fallen into depression and suddenly they have fellow church members saying annoying things like… "its cause your living in sin" "turn your life back to Jesus" "you need to live in the word" "You need to be born again" "Get plugged into a small group"
But you see… I love my Jesus, I talk to Him and He talks to me.
Well…
My name is Sarah
I am depressed.
Now what? Its just complicated…
I am too tired to try to please everyone else.
I wish I could rewind his heart to the man he was 3 years ago and press play
Rent money
Lack of Sleep
Lack of fun
He is just un interested in general.
The dynamics of us have changed but he hates change
… my heart is made up…
….I don't want to talk about it anymore…
SO….
I had an appointment at Lake College… I am going into Nursing… yea me!!!! I am excited!!!
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