Saturday, August 13, 2011

Das Tatas Rant

Talking with a lady at the WIC office, I was complaining how being big busted takes a toll on a breastfeeding Mom... she responded "You sure are blessed in that department".


I see it more as a curse.

Being blessed with large boobs means that you can graciously fill out a Victoria Secret bra and look stunning. Not have to special order bras online because no store in town carries your size... not Wal-Mart, not the lingerie store that advertises "ALL SIZES IN STOCK", not even the plus size clothing stores.

Being blessed with large boobs means that you can still rock a bathing suit in the summer. Not having to for-go a trip to the lake because department stores simply do not carry swim suits with size 48G cups.

Being blessed with large boobs means that sometimes shirts fit snug. Not having to wear a shirt two sizes too big just to fit the ladies... and not being able to wear strapless dresses/shirts because of the law of gravity. There is no way on Earth that boobs that big stay up and in place without the two inch wide strap.

Being blessed with large boobs means that you can still have perky breasts. Not have breast that hang half way down your stomach... there is nothing "sexy" or "hot" about that. Saggy boobs before 30! Oooolala...

Being blessed with large boobs means that every department store carries cute bras in your size (up to DD). Not having only the option for black, white, or nude colors. Oh wait... sometimes you can choose between having five snaps in back or six snaps in the back.

Breastfeeding in public is impossible. I don't see that as a blessing. It is impossible to discreetly unsnap the giant bra, hold the breast so it doesn't crush the baby, juggle a wiggly baby and keep your giant boob covered. It is quite an art to master breastfeeding in public... but I would rather sulk to the back of the store and hide out in the dressing room till baby is full.

Paying $50 for a size 48G nursing bra online is no way near a blessing. I so wish I had the option of buying one at Target or Wal-Mart. They don't even sell them online at those stores! The worst of it was when my one good nursing bra busted from the weight of the boobers even before Ana was born... $50 down the drain! I haven't been able to afford another one. I went to Motherhood Maternity and found one I could shove my boobs in for now. There is nothing blessed about having a nursing bra two cup sizes too small.

I have gotten the comment "At least you have some" so many times... I always respond "you can have em'! They are killing my back".

I can honestly say I hate breastfeeding... hate it with a passion. My back and neck hurt so much from the weight of my boobs it makes me nauseous sometimes. What I love, though, is spending time with my baby. I love seeing her smile when I get myself positioned in the "football" hold. She knows its chow time and she gets the biggest grin. I love seeing her smile and give a little laugh when she gets full. What I love more than ever... and makes all the other crap worth it, is seeing her grow... pack on the pounds... and be deemed a "healthy baby" all because of my choice to breastfeed with these unconventionally large breasts.

Rant over...

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