my Butterfly

So I was in bed just staring at the ceiling when all of a sudden I felt this tiny little flutter... almost like a tickle on the inside of my belly...

Of course I cried a little.

This is how things are

So this is how things have been… and are currently.

Daniel and I moved back to Redding the day after Thanksgiving. My parents drove from Cali to Arizona to help us move. My family spent Thanksgiving with Daniels family. It was fun… and interesting… lol… The drive back wasn't nearly as bad as when we moved the first time. No 20 hour car ride with a crying cat, or flying dead rabbits. It went quickly, mostly because (I think) I missed my family and was more than ready for the move. I didn't even get choked up or give it a second thought. I was loosing my mind and part of my soul everyday I was away. I need my sisters, I need my mom, I need my cousins, my brothers, my aunts and uncles. I need them all. They are a big part of me and my life and I don't feel myself when I am away. So… we moved…

We are living with my parents… and ALL of my siblings (My parents, 2 brothers, 2 sisters, 4 dogs, 4 cats, a lizard… and then Daniel and myself). It has been interesting and I love it. I don't mind all the chaos or chores… its nice. I feel relaxed and even happy, even with all the recent heartache and being depressed because of our loses. I feel at ease. I know this is where God wants us.

Daniel and I each found a job the first week back. He is working at Luigies Pizza, delivering pizza. I am teaching at West Redding Preschool (UGH!)… again… I know its not the best of environments, but I honestly feel like there is more to do there than get a pay check… like God has a job for me to do there… so I tie my shoes everyday with a sigh and a grunt, curse under my breath and put on a smile and head to work for another day of cleaning up spilt milk and wiping snot. I love the kids, but there is just too many in the class, and the lack of compassion amongst the staff is so sad. I'm working an UBER AWESOME gal. She makes it bearable!!!!

I miss my friends in Arizona… so so so much! I miss having fun with you all. The wild and crazy car rides to the mall or to Wendy's. Ordering 20 zillion chicken nuggets and the cowboys at Elyse's. Sarah, I miss your giant beast of a car and having lunch with you! Alura, I miss your boy drama and just hanging with you!! Robbie, I miss the random get togethers and your awesome shoes!!! Corbin, I miss your stinkin face!!!! Austin I miss your kind words and your nig--- beater!!!!! Sigh… I wish I could keep you guys in my pocket so I can pull you out and be with you whenever I feel like it.

I have no car.

I need to hang out with someone and have fun… seriously… I always forget to call you guys to hangout, so call me! OR TEXT ME! Something… I am real horrible about calling… I know I know…. Lame!

The End

Quick Update

I am working at Mervyns in Goodyear (AZ) now

Love working at Mervyns

Daniel is the pizza boy at Pizza Hut

Arizona is where Satan lives

thats why we are moving back to Cali

My parents are comming down for Thanksgiving

They will be having turkey with Daniels parents

Then they are taking us to Redding

FOREVER

My internet is still not working

We are still on a steady diet of Top Ramen

I FINALLY meet some uber awesome people here

and I am a little sad to be leaving them in a few weeks

my hair is brown now

it looks like crap

but he still thinks im sexy

Daniel loves the free pizza

I lost my tan

I still havent seen the new Transformers movie

Being poor isnt that bad

I have a new cell number

I made chocolate chip cookies, and the acctually turned out great! first time ever

The people I work with acctually think im neato, and like spending time with me off the clock

Which proves that- no, I am not a looser and they were just stuck up boobs

I so want some Dutch Bros coffee right now

My fav food isnt chinese anymore, its mexican

I just discovered fake eyelashes... so fun

I think I might grow my hair long again...

or cut is short...

My new obsession is the 99 cent chicken sandwhiches at Jack in the Box

I think im going to go get one right now...

peace

Fun while it lasted

Sometimes it is really hard not to be mad at God. I honestly can not figure out why he lets things happen. You spend your whole life dreaming of a specific moment. Then it arrives, and you make plans to change your whole world. You daydream and fantasies. This will become your purpose.

Its like he creates this completely wonderful miracle just to take it away. Almost as if it were a sick game. A cheap shot… a low blow… and your left speechless

But I know that's not his style. There is a purpose for everything. "To everything there is a season; a time and purpose under heaven." (ecc 3:1) I should use this time of brokenness to draw closer to Him. I should let Him mend my tired heart. I should work on that…

I have become a hermit. I don't feel like even getting out of bed much. I hate my cell. I hate getting online. Don't be offended friends I have come to ignore… its so not you. I have become ultra lame. I am hoping it's a short faze soon to pass. Give me time, I will call shortly. I just don't feel like explaining myself just yet. I do love you all like crazy…

I am so done with living in Arizona. If I had pennies to save I would save them to move back… sigh

Its a Verb

Can a Jr. higher be "in love"? Do they have the mental capability to know what love really is?

Who am I to say they don't love their significant other?

Do any of us really fully understand love? Real love. The kind of love Christ has for us. A great romance or sorts.

My second biggest pet peeve is people who label their emotions too quickly as "being in love". They mistake this desire for another person as love, when it is only just an infatuation with being wanted.

love is self sacrifice, and an action word. A feeling of devotion... something that develops over time...

Infatuation is object of extravagant, like a short-lived passion... puppy love... love at first sight...

most people don't know what true love is... we say "I love this restaurant!" "I love CSI" "I love Cheetos" " I love chocolate" "I love my Prada hand bag"

True love seems to have gotten lost...