Is there more than this? How can it get better when it has just gotten worse? Every step was taken to make it easier, but it has sunk rock bottom. Hard work has left me exhausted, and has yet to pay off. The good guy never gets a break. I am not happy. In fact, I think I am depressed... A college education is just crap, no one cares if you have a bacholars in Liberal Arts. Every job in the paper requires you have two years experience... How the heck can someone get two years if no one gives them a chance... All the stupid people ahead of me screwed up and left employers pissed off. Now they don't trust anyone...
I work hard... very hard... and learn fast... Im smart... but no one belives me... Raleys is fine... Its hard physical work, and someday... soon... I want kids, and that job won't do... you can't be prego and collect carts in the 110 degree heat... It seems all the employees have relationship issues, and I think it is because they never get to spend time with their partner... It seems Raleys ruins familys... they have all been devorsed several times, and have no friends, exect eachother... one lady told me the only time she sees her husband is on the freeway, he is driving home from work, and she is driving too work...
Being married is tuff work in itself... I am still learning... and I love my family, but these long odd shifts are making me a stranger to my little brother and sister... I don't think I can handle much more ... My house is a disaster and I am just too tired to do anything about it...
Raleys bennifits are awesome though! They are in the top 19f the nation, even if you are part time... I like that, it is very intising...I have soooo many stinken problems with my health, and this is almost an answer to pray... but... then there is the whole not being happy thing... I don't know what is better...
Next month I am suppose to go to a Kid Rock concert with two of my very best girl friends... I am not sure if that is going to happen... They want to repo my car... and truck... and turn off our electricity... and take away the tv we bought last month...
Daniel took me on a mini date tonight... It was fun... we went to a little hole in the wall mexican resturant... It was loud and busy... really fun...
It seems stupid to be depressed over lame things like that... so many people are hurting and dying all over the... I have nice things, and a loving husband. My family loves and supports me, I have a job, a fridge full of food, two crazy cats, amazing friends... My life is good... really good... but I just want to cry, it feels like my whole body is broken... I want to be happy again... I want life to rewind, maybe I can change something I did and It will turn out better...
So I am pretty exited about some movies comming out... First I heard about Transformers... that just stoked me... then today I heard about Beerfest... and that just sent me over the edge! I just love Broken Lizard...
I also love my new hair cut... it makes me feel sexy... kinda... I keep getting in trouble at work cause of it though... My hair falls in my face, and I guess it is against dress code. All hair needs to be away from the face, and pulled back... but when it is 110 degrees plus with humidity my hair kinda does whatever it wants too, and I sweet and all my makeup smears and customers look at me like I am a greasy hillbilly that is the scum of the earth, so they treat me like a slave... "double bag all of my groceries in paper, execpt the cold things, I want those in a plastic... doubled also..." then they walk off and I have to follow them with their cart of groceries... on the way out the door they always say something like "oh my, it is rather hot out today, I sure wouldn't want to be working out in this heat (as I am pushing the 80 pound basket to their car... which is parked across the black pavement parking lot cause they found a sliver of shade...) I hope the ice cream doesn't melt, you did put it in a freezer bag right?" and I just have to smile and nod as sweat drips down my face... and thank them... cause "customers pay my wages" which is true, but when did I sign my dignity over to strangers... argh...
I want my weekend back... I liked having a set schedule every single day of the year... saturday and sunday were my days off, and I knew that... I want to be able to go to church again... I don't know why I like church, I really didn't like the people... I just liked learning... I kinda want to go back to school too, which I know won't happen for a LONG time... school is expensive... It is kinda ironic... I hated school when it was free... I felt it was a waste of time... I still kinda feel high school was a waste... but now I have to pay to go to school, cause I want to, but I can't afford it or have the time...
I need something chocolate...
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