Ready for Awkward

Its been about fourteen years sense my last blog. Stop pestering me… I blog when I feel like it… I just haven't felt like it lately. Its not that my life hasn't been interesting. Life with a baby makes everyday blog worthy.

My baby… my hearts song… my love!

I don't like bothering people with the negative aspects of my life. I am a problem solver. I fix things for people. Its hard for me to let people into my heart. I keep things bottled in… deep down under all the other stuff going on in my life. I do however, on occasion, just start blurting out the heaviness of my soul to a select few. I do feel bad… It seems these days all I do is pile on the complaints.

It is just hard to be happy. You know the expression, "when it rains it pours"… well I have a new one… "my soul has been replaces with tar and I am sinking in shit."

Why is talking about depression taboo? Especially in the Christian community. Someone admits to have fallen into depression and suddenly they have fellow church members saying annoying things like… "its cause your living in sin" "turn your life back to Jesus" "you need to live in the word" "You need to be born again" "Get plugged into a small group"

But you see… I love my Jesus, I talk to Him and He talks to me.

Well…

My name is Sarah

I am depressed.

Now what? Its just complicated…

I am too tired to try to please everyone else.

I wish I could rewind his heart to the man he was 3 years ago and press play

Rent money

Lack of Sleep

Lack of fun

He is just un interested in general.

The dynamics of us have changed but he hates change

… my heart is made up…

….I don't want to talk about it anymore…

SO….

I had an appointment at Lake College… I am going into Nursing… yea me!!!! I am excited!!!

Roll Over Eli

After much anticipation my ALMOST 3 month old rolls over for the very first time!
He has been working on it for a few days now and just about had it last night… but this morning he mastered it! I am so proud!!!

Gone Picking Wild Flowers

Four years ago today I meet an amazing person. I had no idea that we would end up in Happily Ever After. I feel extremely blessed to have meet him! He has given me more than I could ever have wanted! He is such a good person with a big heart! I love you Sugar Pie!

D.W+ S.W = Freaking AMAZING LOVE!

A craving not fullfilled

I found eight dollars in my purse.

I got so excited because I have been craving pizza for days now. I call up papa Murphy's and order a large pepperoni then go pick it up.

I wait patiently for the oven to preheat then cook the pizza. The time passes soooo slowly as I wait.

My mouth waters and I can almost taste the pizza. The timer goes off and I rush to the over and take the pizza out. I then realize I already packed the pizza cutter... so I rummage through a few boxes till I find it.

I pick the pizza up and put it on a cut able surface, but as I set it down I have a contraction (not the real kind... the "pretend kind" that have been anguishing me for days now) and drop the pizza to the ground. It lands face down on my kitchen floor.

My first thought is... "Is it still eatable"... followed by "no... Gross... this floor is so dirty and full of germs"... then the tears flood my eyes. I so wanted some of that pizza. I am sooo hungry and we are soooo broke.

It is depressing...

My baby story

SO...

September 18th I woke up at 4am so excited to see my baby! I layed in bed till 6am then got up and headed up to the hospital.

The epidural was scary and numbed me from the arms down... it was like being on an alien spaceship. Not being able to move and staring up at bright lights. It was scary until they let Daniel in the room.

I couldn't move or see what they were doing so I just stared at Daniel... less than 5 minutes later Daniel stands up and I see his eyes get HUGE... then I hear a little gurgle and a cry. Daniel rushes over to the table next to mine. I can't see what's going on, I just hear this beautiful crying... then Daniel brings me over my baby... Elijah Ray...

He is perfect! I feel so blessed to be given such a gift!